So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
