soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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