i just wanna soil my oats bro
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
