working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
