I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
