i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
