kristin has been a bad kristin
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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