The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
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