i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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