I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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