last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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