Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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