Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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