But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
