I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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