YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
