My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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