considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
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I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
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No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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