Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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