i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
