She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
