imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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