If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
and she was petting her beer can
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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