Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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