first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
