Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
