wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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