Cold hands, warm shart.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
