Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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