also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
