Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
