My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
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my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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