My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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