Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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