2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
