Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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