im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
