I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
