She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
you had me at cake vodka
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
