maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
