I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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