He uses pillows to masturbate.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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