please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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