ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
