Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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