Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
