Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
