Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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