She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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