i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
