So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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