I looked at my own cervix.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
