I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
