If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
