Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
