none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
