i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
