i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
