Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
420 ftw
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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