she woke up with a sticky ear
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
