He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
