I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
