I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
